Coping With Grief

The reactions to a loss can be collectively described as grief. To grieve or mourn, is to experience a process which unfolds over a length of time.

Upon learning of the death of a loved one, each of us embarks on a journey of healing. Although at first it is characterized by painful feelings, once the realization of the death comes, the therapeutic process of bereavement begins. Shock and denial will overwhelm the bereaved individual before he or she begins what is usually called the “grief work”.

Grief is highly complex, but an absolutely normal reaction to a death. It affects each person differently. As their relationship was unique with the person who passed away, so too will be the way in which they grieve. Because grief is something that is so personal, it cannot be avoided by ignoring it or by frenetic activity. The grieving process must occur as there is no way around it; grieving is nature’s way of healing.

Symptoms of Grief

• Overwhelming sadness
• Inability to sleep
• Appetite changes
• Cry easily
• Lack of desire to do anything
• Confusion
• Feeling like you are going “crazy”
• Forgetfulness
• Depressed
• Irritable
• Inability to concentrate

How to Ease Grief

• Allow yourself to mourn
• Realize your grief is unique
• Talk about your grief
• Expect to feel a multitude of emotions
• Allow for numbness
• Be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits
• Develop a support system
• Make use of ritual
• Embrace your spirituality
• Allow a search for meaning
• Treasure your memories

5 Tips You Can Do To Help The Grieving

2009 – Jane Galbraith, BScN, R.N.

Who hasn’t heard or said themselves “I just don’t know what to say” or “I feel so helpless – there’s nothing I can do!! Well, there are things that you can do or say to help those in pain due to the death of a loved one.  We can help; and not just in little ways, and it makes a tremendous difference to those we see in pain.

Galbraith – http://www.theadventurouswriter.com

Talk about the person who has died. We may not want to mention the loved
one who died to grieving friends because we don’t want to upset them.
But, people love to speak the name of the person they lost! To not talk
about them as if they have never existed is very distressing to your friend
who is grieving. Speaking about lost loved ones may produce tears, but it’s
often more comforting than feeling that the name can never be mentioned. So,
when your friend loses a loved one, don’t be afraid to talk about him or
her.

Ask your friends how they feel – and don’t let them get away with “I’m
fine.” We are so polite in our society that we don’t want to burden others
with our problems. Ask your friend how they feel many months after the
death. In the beginning, people are in shock and the pain sometimes takes
months to hit. By then the world feels you should be “getting over it”! To
support mourning friends, don’t just ask when you see them at work or at a
social function. Pick up the phone and call.

Acknowledge that it’s a difficult time when your friend loses a loved
one. It takes an enormous amount of energy to “be strong” or look “normal.”
Many would win Oscars for their performances, looking and acting as they did
before so their friends would not be uncomfortable. In actuality they are
trying to discover what their new “normal” is, and that takes time. Just
because people look good doesn’t mean they feel good, so don’t let the
façade fool you. Your mourning friend may need someone to acknowledge that
this is a difficult time. To learn the importance of expressing grief, read
tips for grieving widows or widowers.

Avoid clichés about “getting on with life” and “getting over it” because
they irritate your friends who have lost a loved one. They know these
expressions do not represent the reality. They won’t get over it, but they
will learn to live with it or adjust to their new world. Your mourning
friend isn’t just dealing with the absence of the person they loved, but
also how that person affected their lives, and the loss of future plans and
dreams. Continue to love your friend as he/she changes and adapts to a new
world.

Keep supporting your mourning friends by reaching out. Sometimes they
don’t know what they need and don’t have the energy to figure it out, so it
would be better if you figure out what your friend needs and just do it. If
it is an invitation to go somewhere, don’t be offended if you are turned
down. Keep asking. Everyday is different and by continuing to ask you are
staying in touch and connecting with someone who is in pain. Continuing to
invite someone will let him or her know you are there for him or her and you
care..

Please call the BC Bereavement Helpline at (604) 738-9950 or 1-877-779-2223 if you are experiencing symptoms of grief and let one of our helpful and experienced volunteers direct you to grief support in your community.

Bereavement Support is an Essential Service